Hallucination
by mendoukusai na
Summary: "Say it. Say that I'm not real." He was messing with her. He was daring her to defy him because he believed that she couldn't. For a moment, she had forgotten he was the bad guy. DeiSaku, Rating subject to change.


Hallucination – Chapter 1

* * *

It wasn't like she wasn't aware or like she didn't know. She always had, always will. It was more of a choice not to acknowledge the cold truth in front of her. If she didn't think of it, it wasn't real.

Dissociative identity disorder. It was such a scary thought when she had first heard it. There was another person, another being with its own consciousness, thoughts, and ideas inside of her. And at the same time, it was still a part of her, it WAS her.

She was diagnosed with it 2 years ago, when a terrible situation that she would rather not recall put her in a life or death situation. It was the first time this other person had taken control, the first time she woke up not recalling where she was or what she was doing, and she was still alive because of it.

Sakura Haruno had another personality. At first, she was a little worried. But then she had become grateful.

She had some part of her that would protect her and make her forget all of her hurtful memories. But she eventually learned that this person wasn't a guardian, it was a manifestation of all her rage and anger at the world, and her past.

* * *

Her hospital shift had run late again.

"Sakura, I'm really sorry you had to stay this late. But with the holidays coming up, we are a little short staffed." Her boss, Tsunade, said.

Sakura smiled and dismissed it with a wave of her hand. "It's ok, I don't mind. I already called Dad and told him I would be late getting home."

"I know, but you are only a volunteer. You shouldn't have to work harder than the people that I actually pay to be here."

"I will work here full time someday. I'm just giving you time to adjust to me!" Sakura joked. "Besides, the more hours I get the better it will look on my resume."

Tsunade gave a small smile to her protégé. "I know, but as for now you can head home. You've been here long enough."

Sakura nodded and left to get her things out of the locker room. She always got a really warm feeling whenever Tsunade acted motherly to her. And that was eventually how Sakura grew to see her as a mother figure. Even though her long blonde hair, brown eyes and _large feminine features_ made her look absolutely nothing like Sakura, they both had the same temper and "work mode" attitudes.

When she finally stuffed all of her belongings in her backpack, Sakura headed out the wide hospital doors into the dark streets outside.

* * *

He was on the prowl again.

Hell, he was probably the hardest working terrorist he knew. Even if he refused to see himself as one. Art was a bang after all; it wasn't his fault that it was so easily misinterpreted by the uncultured masses.

But Deidara would never call himself a "serial killer", a "ruthless arsonist", or a "mad bomber" like the headlines unceremoniously dubbed him. He was simply an artist using the only true art form in existence. Something fleeting, consuming, and dangerous.

At the moment, he was searching for a place. The perfect place to test the new C-4 he developed. A place that would be seen, but not heavily guarded. A place with a ton of victims, but even more spectators. He wanted a grand audience that would be aghast in horrible fascination by his destruction. Because what's the point of art if it's never seen?

Deidara worked his way through the maze of dark corners and alleys that made up this city as he looked for the building that would act as a grim showcase for his "special talent." He stopped mid-step when he began to hear a struggle going on a couple meters ahead. A girl and a man no doubt. Deidara began an inner debate with himself. Although he really did want to keep going and not be distracted from his art, he couldn't help but wonder what exactly was going on ahead. Through the dark, he saw a brief flash of pink. Without making any noise, he preceded foreword with curiosity.

* * *

Sakura thrashed wildly against the person pinning her to the ally wall. "Let me go you sick freak! This is your last chance!"

The man slapped a hand over her mouth. "I can see you shaking, the only one afraid here is you. So don't think that you can intimidate me."

Sakura continued to struggle. She kicked her feet as far as they would go and tugged at her hands hoping to release them from his iron grip.

The shadows of the dark hid his features, but she could hear him grind his teeth in anger and frustration. He released her mouth and took hold of hair and slammed her head back against the wall. "Stop moving."

The blow to her head made Sakura stone still. He pulled his hand back from her head to start pulling on her clothes. Her eyes began to feel like they were traveling backwards, pulling her away from the scene in front of her. In the back of her head, she heard a "click", like a light switch turning on. The last thing Sakura saw was the shadow of a man, and his sharp teeth in a crooked smile before the picture turned black.

* * *

Deidara gazed on the situation unfazed. He had no desire to interfere and put himself in jeopardy for this girl's sake. Nor did he think that he should call the police, since they would no doubt investigate him and make him stand trial and all.

He satisfied his curiosity and distracted himself enough as it was. He turned to leave until he saw the girl's closed eyes suddenly flash open. The intensity and fire in her eyes pulled him in and held him captive. He couldn't pull himself away, and he didn't think he wanted to.

"Baby," the girl said in a husky voice. "I know you want to play with me, but you should know I play rough."

She pulled her hands from his grasp seemingly with no effort before putting her hands on his shoulders and switching their positions so she held him against the wall. Her body was now hidden in the shadows while his was illuminated by the light.

Deidara could see the shock in his eyes and the lump in his throat as she rubbed her body sensuously against his.

"Does this make you hot?" She asked, panting and her eyes focused on him. She brought her lips up to his and pulled him into a heated kiss. A few seconds pass before he heard the man yelp in pain. The girl brought her lips back, and Deidara could faintly see a shiny red substance on them.

"Don't be upset baby; it's only a love bite. I'm sure you've given plenty of those before."

Deidara turned to the man to see a hand over his mouth, with blood pouring out of the corners.

The girl poked her own tongue out to lick the blood off of her lips, before bringing them into a smirk. She strolled back towards the man, and began to slowly unbutton his shirt. She slid one hand over his chest and the other into a pocket in his pants. She pulled out a small switchblade from the pocket.

"You like to use dangerous toys don't you?"

She raked her nails down his chest while he was still in a stupor. But when he brought his hands away from his mouth to grab her throat, she plunged the knife into his stomach. "That's ok. I like to use them too."

The man gasped and held back a scream, before sagging to the ground holding the wound.

She let her emerald eyes scan over the man in a humorous manner. "If you want help, a friend of mine works at the hospital up the street. If you hurry she might still be on shift."

She gave a small giggle before picking up the backpack that had been thrown carelessly in the struggle and was soon gone.

* * *

The man stared at her before she walked away. The only thought in his mind was why she would tell him about someone who works at the hospital when she is wearing the uniform for it. Almost like she didn't even know that she herself worked there.

* * *

His chest was tight and his body was warm. Deidara felt his heart beating hundreds of miles.

She is perfect. Everything about her is perfect.

She is beautiful. Her exotic features entrap him and make him loose himself. Her bright green eyes, raspberry hair, and skin like porcelain...

She is dangerous. She uses her body to lure, to drop guards, and to subdue. By the time you realize it, you are already in her trap. She knows where to hurt, how to hurt, and how much to hurt.

She is fleeting. Arriving just before its too late and gone right when you focus your eyes on her.

Deidara wanted her. He wanted to capture her like she had captured him. He wanted to see how many times that firecracker would spark. He wanted to see every single explosion from her.

He looked down at the man still heaving in pain in the alleyway. Deidara gave a small smirk.

"I think the building right here will be just fine, yeah. Don't you think so?"

* * *

When Sakura came to, she was on a park bench.

She blinked the haze away from her eyes and checked out her surroundings. She was at a small children's park a few blocks away from the apartment she shared with her foster dad.

Sakura jumped a little. Her dad! He was probably worried sick about her! She checked her watch. 12:46 am! Sakura immediately hopped off the bench and sprinted to her home.

"I'm home!" Sakura called when she opened the door. Inside she saw her foster father sitting on the couch, surrounded by whiskey bottles.

"Sakura, I didn't think you'd get home this late. You better go to bed since you have a class in the morning," her dad said nonchalantly while adjusting the mask over his face.

Sakura wasn't fooled. Her dad never drank unless he was extremely troubled. And the fact he wasn't reading one of his books when she came home only proved her suspicions.

"I'm really sorry I worried you. I didn't mean to."

He ran his fingers through his spiky gray hair and sighed. "I know."

He glanced at his adopted daughter's appearance and his visible eye widened. "What happened to you?"

Sakura saw his surprise and looked down at herself. The top part of her uniform was slightly ripped at the collar like someone had tried to pull it off, and there were red dots of various sizes on her scrubs. Her eyes began to tear up as she recalled what happened.

"I...I..."

He pulled Sakura's face up to look at him, his voice no longer indifferent. "Sakura, tell me what happened."

* * *

Kakashi Hatake. Sakura has lived with this man for as long as she could remember. He had been very good friends with her mother before she had passed away. In her will, she had begged Kakashi to take her as his child. Sakura thinks he still would have even if her mother hadn't asked.

Sakura always felt he was odd. He wore a mask over his face and a bandage over his right eye. When Sakura was 6, she asked him why. He smiled and said it was because it made him look "mysterious".

When she asked what he really looked like, he said, "It's a secret. But maybe I will show you one day." After that, she decided it was ok to call him dad.

It wasn't to his face, Sakura had never called him dad to his face, but when he came to pick her up from school and her friend asked who he was, she proudly announced that he was her "super ninja dad"!

She still to this day doesn't know if he refers to her as "his daughter", but she likes to think he does. Since he is the type of person to never let people know how much he cares about them. But that doesn't mean they can't tell.

As one of the detectives for the homicide unit, she could understand why he was so controlled with his emotions.

When Sakura was 16, she asked him again why he wore the bandage. This time he told her the truth; his best friend had passed away and had asked it to be transplanted into Kakashi since he had lost his. He covered it so he wouldn't have to look at it in the mirror and see the eye of a person he deeply cared about not in its right place. Kakashi made it clear to her that he "wasn't good at losing people".

Which is why when Sakura heard the small amount of distress in his voice, she started to sob.

* * *

When he saw the way Sakura looked, and the huge wound on the back of her head, Kakashi only had one thought.

_He had failed. Again._

He constantly failed at protecting the people he cared about. Obito, Rin, Minato, his own father, and now the person he cared about most in the world. The only person he had left.

She cried in his chest and he patted her back while keeping his anger in check. She was his little girl, he would do anything to make sure she was safe and happy.

But it was just so difficult. She worried over him as much as he worried over her. She never tells him what bothers her, or how she feels. She always goes off by herself and only calls him to tell him where she is after she reached her location. She doesn't want him to worry, but he can't help it.

So he pretends to be laid back and easygoing, so she won't see how much her independence bothers him. He's never even told her he loves her, and he worries that when he finally does it will be too late.

He continues to let her tears soak the front of his shirt while he quietly says "it's ok, it's ok" when it clearly wasn't.

Sakura finally stopped crying long enough to look up at him. He feels his insides twist at the utterly hopeless expression she gives him.

"Please just tell me what happened. I will take care of it ok? But you have to tell me. I can't do anything if you don't tell me," Kakashi tried to say as calmly as he could but it came out more pleading than he had hoped.

Sakura shook her head and forced a smile at him. "It's nothing, really. I need to w-wash this uniform and I really need to go to sleep and so do you, it's getting r-really late after all."

"Sakura-"

"Don't worry, I'm fine. I'm still here, see? It's nothing," Sakura said before hurrying to her bedroom and softly shutting the door.

_For how long? _Kakashi thought.

* * *

How could she tell him?

How could she tell him that she was attacked, and that she felt completely powerless and alone and that she didn't fight back hard enough to get away by herself?

How could she tell them that she had another blackout? That the blood on her shirt most likely came from someone else rather than her. It would only give him something else to worry about. He wouldn't be able to let her go on in society because she is such a danger to other people; he would have to live with the embarrassment of having a "psychotic" daughter. He doesn't deserve that, he doesn't deserve anything that has happened to him.

Sakura laid on the bed, feeling fresh tears gather in the corner of her eyes while she desperately tries to recall what happened. She could only remember the attack, the push against the wall, then nothing.

Kakashi had already brought her to a psychiatrist the first time it happened, 2 years ago. He was devastated by the diagnosis, she could tell. When they left she spent the whole day convincing him that it was wrong. There was no way she had something like that, that condition didn't have any factual basis, and they were only assuming things.

He believed her, she hoped. Kakashi wanted and deserved a normal daughter. But she knew that they were right.

There was no other explanation. How could she have come out alive with little or no injury and just appear in the middle of nowhere?

And now she has possibly done something horrible, something she could go to jail for. She doesn't even know if that man is alive right now. What if she murdered him? Sakura could feel the bile come up from her stomach at the thought.

Sakura looked up at the ceiling for a long time trying to gather her thoughts and options. So far she had 3.

One, she could do nothing. Pretend like nothing happened. While it was appealing, she knew that Kakashi and the homicide unit would investigate and it would be even worse if he found out the culprit was his own daughter.

Two, she could go back to her psychiatrist and reveal the worsening condition of her disease. They would have her sent to a mental facility where she would be heavily medicated and never see the sun again. Sakura felt too selfish to give up her freedom and Kakashi's reputation to do such a thing.

Three, she could go to the police and turn herself in. Say that he attacked her and she fought back and had killed him unintentionally, since that was the truth. She would rather have Kakashi believe she had gone to jail protecting herself than to go to a mental facility for "a defect in her programming", or to hide it from him like a true murderer.

Sakura sighed and made the decision to go to the station tomorrow, only because it was the lesser of the evils.

* * *

Sakura woke up that morning with red swollen eyes, black and blue marks over her body, and an unbearable headache. She took a shower and continued her usual routine so Kakashi would think that she was getting ready for her class at the University.

She felt the tears again when she thought about how this could be the last time she is in this apartment, with her dad. She thought about how she might have to spend the rest of her days in a cold cell, paying for a crime which she had no intent of committing.

Grabbing her purse, Sakura headed out to the living room to see Kakashi sleeping on the couch, in the same place she saw him last night. His limbs were stretched and hanging off the edge of the couch, and he reeked of alcohol. Sakura assumed that he was going to have a headache as bad as hers when he wakes up.

"See you later, Dad."

* * *

Sakura's steps gradually became slower and slower as she reached the intimidating building of the police station. When Kakashi told her this was where he worked, she looked at it as a palace. It was a palace that punished the bad and was worthy of respect. But now it seemed like a platform where she would have to stand and take her punishment from her dad's coworkers, a dark dreary place that indicated the end of her life as she knew it.

She took a deep breath in as her hand hovered over the door handle. She couldn't do this. She couldn't turn herself in for a crime she didn't commit! Even if it was her physically. She was being attacked! What else could she have done? It wasn't her fault, it wasn't her fault!

Just when she was about to lose her nerve and run the other direction, a man stepped out of the police station and held the door open for her. He was a tall guy with long blonde hair tied back in a half pony-tail and dark blue eyes. He reminded her of one of her friends from high school, Ino, because of his slightly feminine looks.

"Going in, yeah?"

She bit her lip and nodded at the man. She offered him a quiet "thanks" before heading inside.

* * *

When she stepped inside and saw Kurenai Yuuhi at the front desk, Sakura had a little more courage to tell them what happened. Kurenai had always been nice whenever she had met her with Kakashi, and she was a very sympathetic person. Maybe she would take pity on her.

That was probably a tiny bit too much to ask for.

She forced herself towards the desk to meet the crimson gaze of Kurenai.

"Sakura? Shouldn't you be at your class right now? Hinata will be very lonely there without you."

Sakura gulped at the sound of her friend's name. Another person she wouldn't say goodbye to.

"Actually, I wanted to ask about the fifth alleyway down a couple blocks from the hospital. Was there a …deceased man there?"

Kurenai looked at her like she had just asked if she still had two eyes. "There are plenty of deceased people there Sakura. The whole place was destroyed after a terrorist detonated a bomb there. We are still not done fishing out all of the bodies. Didn't you see the news this morning?"

Sakura stood there in complete shock. She couldn't possibly have blown up the whole place could she? She doesn't know how to make a bomb and she certainly wasn't carrying one with her! But she didn't know what her other personality was capable of, what if she was responsible? But that couldn't be right?

"Do they know who is responsible?" Sakura asked cautiously.

"It looks like it was another target of the serial bomber, but we can't be sure. The investigation is still ongoing. That is all I am allowed to reveal anyways," Kurenai said.

Sakura nodded her head. Although her fears weren't entirely extinguished, she felt a little better. But she still had the sickening guilt that she will never know if she killed that man or not.

"Anyways, was there anything else you wanted to ask?" Kurenai said while moving files around on her desk.

"Um, no. That will be it," Sakura said before heading out the door.

"Oh wait Sakura! Do you know the man that just left?"

"Which one?" Sakura replied with her hand on the door handle.

"Blonde, girl looking? He left a paper of his here, and I think he needs it. He looked young so I thought maybe you have a class with him."

"No, I've never seen him before."

Kurenai sighed. "Ok, thank you anyways."

Sakura nodded and finally headed out the door, but not before hearing Kurenai mumble to herself.

"Deidara. What a funny name."

* * *

"You skipped class today," Kakashi said when Sakura came home. "That's not like you."

"I'm sorry, but I wasn't feeling very good, and I didn't get around to calling the teacher."

"Then why did you go out?"

Sakura was startled at the sudden question. Kakashi was being more prodding than usual. But she could understand with the way she acted when she came home last night. Sakura had to think of something, a logical reason that Kakashi wouldn't look any further into.

"I went to go break up with my boyfriend."

Even Sakura could hear the dishonesty from that statement. She wished she had thought of a better reason, but she knew that Kakashi wouldn't want to know about her relationship status and would hopefully drop the subject.

Of course she didn't realize until it was too late that she gave him the wrong impression.

"Did he…abuse you?" Kakashi asked uncertainly while putting his book down on the table. His eye focused entirely on her reaction.

Sakura almost choked on the breath she took in. Abused? Was that what he was worried about? Even though it did offer a convenient way out of the situation, she couldn't have Kakashi going to hunt down a nonexistent boyfriend for nonexistent abuse.

"No, he just took things a bit too far last night and I was upset. It was just an accident."

Kakashi sighed before picking the book back up again and looking at its pages. "Be careful Sakura, some guys are dangerous and won't take no for an answer."

Sakura nodded at the advice before heading to her room and she slept like she hadn't in ages.

* * *

(a/n): It upsets me that this chapter was so long, and it still didn't get to the point I wanted it to. But I couldn't find it in me to add anymore since it was already so long. I guess you can look at it as a prologue since the chapter is pretty introductory, but the information in it is EXTREMELY important.

Let me know if I should continue this. I will definitely make a chapter two since I want the story to gear more towards the summary.


End file.
